I feel so sad, having to write this. It’s making me rather emotional.
You see, I usually love blogging, but lately I haven’t been able to muster up the same love that used to come naturally. Since September, really, I’ve let the blog go a bit quiet, and slowly my YouTube channel has taken first place.
I think it’s important to keep you all updated. I know I still want to blog, but the pressure has gotten too much. It’s gotten so bad that it has brought me to tears, and I don’t often cry. Combined with school, which is stressing me out to the max, and the pressure of being a teenager (more to come on that soon), I just can’t do it. To have reduced me to tears, I know it must have gotten really bad.
So what am I going to do to help this? I don’t want to give up blogging, but neither do I want to carry on like I have being doing. The thing stopping me from sitting back and taking it easy has been page views. Stupid, I know. If I don’t post regularly, these drop. Sometimes that gets me really down. I’m getting better at not checking, but it’s still disappointing and I feel like I’m putting all this effort in, and getting nothing out, when that isn’t the case at all. In fact, I think I should be proud of all I have achieved.
I’m going to first of all try to post once a week. Not four or five, like I have been doing. That one post may be a review or a discussion post, or simply just discussing something I want to. But at least I’m posting something. Some weeks there may not be a post at all, some weeks there may be quite a few. I’ m just going to see how it goes.
The other thing that is stressing me out is my review pile. It’s getting quite big, and I can’t bear to look at it. I’m going to stop requesting and accepting books, only taking one if I know I’ll read it quickly or desperately want it. Because, with homework, I don’t have time to read as much anymore, and I know this will probably get worse as time goes on. One thing I’ve missed is reading for pleasure and I’ve finally been selecting books that I’m really enjoying and can savour. It’s been so, so nice.
I don’t know what the future of Queen of Contemporary looks like. It scares me to think about, if I’m honest. It really, really frightens me. But I know I can’t go on like I have been doing, so I need to relax a bit and just enjoy myself. What’s the point in continuing doing something I don’t like doing, and find tedious? There is no point.
I hope you’ll all continue to support me. Now, more than ever, I really need you guys to help me along.
Lots of love,